21

HAPPY EFFING BIRTHDAY TO ME PLAYAS

Ah the things you'll never see

So I just spent like two hours writing this intense blog post about expression and how this place supresses it and how I don't know what I'm going to do when I graduate...but before I posted it I waited like 15 minutes...and now I'm not gonna post it. I don't feel the need. It's too wordy and boring and there was no specific train of thought and nobody cares enough to read it. I just needed to write it and get it out of my system. So now it will sit in blogger forever and I can read it but no one else needs to be subjected to it. Tight.

This is what I did today at work:

In case you were wondering, that's the COMMANDANT'S plane (the head of the entire Coast Guard). This plane cost 5 MILLION DOLLARS to make...and that was in 2001. It's easily the nicest plane I've ever been it, and probably ever WILL be in. Usually it's being used to transport VIPs (so not just the Commandant) all over the world, but sometimes they need it for training exercises, which was what happened today and why I got to ride it. I guess whoever used to have my job is friends with one of the pilots, and so a few months ago he took her out on one of the training drills. So she arranged for a couple of the interns in her old office and a couple people in her new office (she got promoted but still works at CG Headquarters) to go out today. We flew from Reagan to Dover, Delaware, and the training was taking/off landing, so we practiced that three or four times and then came home.

So essentially I got to do this just for kicks. And it doesn't count as leave (time off) because a)it's for the Coast Guard, and b)Apparently with summer hires they encourage supervisors to give you cool trips, because they want you to come back and work for the Coast Guard permanently. It's a recruiting tool. A recruiting tool I am TOTALLY down with. Because so far, this is what I'm doing this summer:
-A trip to the Capital to sit in on a Coast Guard hearing (which I actually didn't go to because it was on a Friday and I don't work Fridays)
-A trip to Dover and back in an airplane
-A trip to Baltimore to ride on a CG Cutter (a boat)
-A FREE OVERNIGHT trip to Elizabeth City, I guess to go on a tour of a building. Oh, and did I mention this is during the work week? And did I also mention that we get PAID to go? I wonder if we'll be able to go to the beach...

Pretty fricken sweet.

If only we were going Friday, then I could gamble!

Before 30 seconds ago, I was planning on blogging all about how this place could bore a rock to tears.

But then I was told that tomorrow I was going to go on a plane ride. To where? Who knows. My boss said last time they went to Atlantic City. For what purpose? Just to ride in a plane.

I think I asked this yesterday...WHERE AM I?!

I like people from Mary Washington

This is the second summer I've worked with someone who goes to Mary Washington. Obviously last summer it was my soul mate Nicole (Mfeo). If your life is so sad that it does not already include Nicole, here is just a taste of her gloriousness. It's one of her featured posts from our really popular and frequently written in Summer Friendship blog from last summer: http://summerfriendship.blogspot.com/2008/07/damn-can-i-borrow-that-top.html

This summer my Fredericksburg daytime pal is named Sarah. She works two rows over from me. Obviously as we all sit in cubes all day she cannot see me and I cannot see her, but today she came over to my row and talked to me for an hour. Which means that currently she is my favorite person in the entire world because helped me waste an hour of work. The only other person who has done that for me is Perez Hilton. Mostly we discussed how we literally have no idea what to do with our lives while we're here. We share a common bond...extreme boredom. Plus I get the sense that she, like me, is used to being super busy and productive all the time, so in this place of mediocrity she feels lost and bewildered (as do I...as do I) and without purpose.

But she heard that our boss is taking all the interns to Baltimore at some point to go out into the Chesapeake on a cutter. Oh, and by take us to Baltimore, I mean FLY us to Baltimore. Which is ridiculous/awesome. Hopefully that doesn't happen while I'm in England.

But I was thinking after she left to go back to her desk after we talked about all kinds of things (not even in the awkward small talk way, it was in the I like you as a human being kind of way) that so far I've had a very positive experience with people who attend Mary Washington.

But everyone else in the world regardless of whether they attend/attended Mary Washington PALES in comparison to Nicole. PALES I SAY!

Well friends, just got the logging off email. Did I do ANY work today? ...nope. None.

I'll bring back the 300 reasons why I won't marry you tomorrow, so look forward to that.

I think I may have reached the epitome of boredom

I just spent the last hour google-mapping all of my old homes/schools/churches. Which there are a lot of. I was actually amazed at how many addresses I remembered. For instance, from age 1-6 I lived at 110 Sheridan Dr. in Cape May, NJ. Why do I remember things like this? A 6 year old doesn't even need to know their address at the time, let alone 15 years later.

I couldn't remember all of my addresses, particularly for the houses a year after the fire (aka 4th and 5th grade, because I lived in three different houses in two years). Like I knew I lived at 131 something Marshfield, MA, but I couldn't remember the name of the road. So I stunned myself again by google mapping a church I DIDN'T EVEN ATTEND and then visually remembering the drive home from said church. So I followed the roads that would have made that and I found my house. On Valley Path. Seriously, my brain is weird. And I really love maps.

I also Google Mapped Grand Isle, Louisiana, which is where I spent the first year of my life (even though I obviously don't remember it) because I wanted to see where I was born. Turns out, that place BLOWS. Granted, a lot of it could have been destroyed during Hurricane Katrina (it's below New Orleans)...but based on what Madre's told me, it blew before that. Good thing I only lived there a year.

This got me thinking about schools I attended as a wee young lass, and I decided to look up my elementary school. Other than HS, its the only place I spent longer than two years at, and I actually still remember all my teachers/all the weird stuff they had us do because it was a Catholic School. Like the Christmas Pageant the First Grade puts on every year (I was HEAD Angel, which is pretty much the best part in the whole pageant, because the angels got to do a ballet dance to Silent Night, and since I was head Angel, I got to be a reader..."A is for Angel. And the heavenly hosts sang 'Peace on Earth, and good will towards men.'" Only 25 other kids in the whole first grade got to read, and none of them got to dance. My part=best part). I was really sad we had to move before 5th grade, because the fifth grade got to do Stations of the Cross, and all the girls wanted to be Mary, because she got to sing a whole song by herself. I wonder if I would've gotten to be Mary. Probably not, because my music teacher didn't think I was a good singer. Or she would have put me in the special choir for the school's Spring Music Program, which she didn't. WELL CHECK ME OUT NOW!!

We did all kinds of weird things at this elementary school. For instance, in the fourth grade, they thought it would be a cool idea if once a month, a grade presented a song for the rest of the school via the TV announcements. Meaning some church hymn. And I don't mean sing...I mean PRESENT. Yes, it's true...I used to know choreographed hand motions to "On Eagle's Wing's." It's fine.

So I looked through the faculty to see if my teachers were still there. I don't even remember my 2nd and 3rd grade teachers because they were nuns so we didn't fear them, so who knows if they're still there. But my first and fourth grade teachers are STILL THERE. THEY HAVE TO BE 80 YEARS OLD BY NOW!!! In 4th grade I had Sister Lorraine. She wasn't that scary, actually. She was kind of like your grandma...usually really nice to you, but she'll yell at you for acting like an idiot.

But in first grade...and I do not exaggerate...I had the scariest teacher in the WHOLE SCHOOL. Sister Jacqueline. She was old and mean but man did I learn a lot. And she taught me to fear teachers until the day I die. She was probably the most feared person in that building...and she taught the FIRST GRADE. When I moved to MA as a 6 year old I basically had no knowledge of any subject, because I went to "feel good kindergarten" where my only two memories are of a bear that each kid would take home and have their parents write in a journal about, and of a kid who stapled his hand in class. No learning. Luckily I knew how to read really well because my parents rock. I still remember the first day of first grade though...all the kinds knew crap about vowel sounds and phonics, and I was like "WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!" Plus, I spent all day with the scariest woman of all time and I didn't want her to know that I was stupid. So if you ever wondered why I am the way I am when it comes to school and learning about things...blame her.

Her most terrifying moment, although looking back her most HILARIOUS moment, happened in the winter. We were all chillin, I think making some kind of arts and crafts, minding our own 6 year old business...when Sr. J goes "What is that SMELL?" Obviously the class went silent. And I distinctly remember thinking "what smell?" And she walks around the room, and stops in front of this one girl, and this girl looks SCARED OUT OF HER MIND, and Sr. J goes "What. Did. You. Do...why didn't you ask to use the bathroom?!" and the girl couldn't even answer because she was so scared. So Sr. J, without another word, walks her out into the hallway to the nurse's office, because said little girl PEED HERSELF. Turns out she was too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom.

AND SR. J KNEW. And this is why, later, when we were no longer fourth graders and realized she actually wasn't that scary, we still revered her. Because she had the nose of a bloodhound and the tenacity of a mighty warrior...plus, she was a nun. So she had GOD on her side. I would totally go back and visit her if I could. Although I might be too afraid to speak.

Awkward table continued

Back at work. I wish I could fall asleep with my eyes open. That would probably make this go by faster.

Anyway. Back to la wedding. So my good friends, brother and sister (can't remember their names), were extremely chatty. At one point in the conversation, sister asked ex-dukette if she had any advice for a HS Senior about to enter college.

I looked around, incredulous. Was this Summer Springboard part dos? But sadly, no one else at my table shared my intrigue. Also, I was stunned because they had brought a DISPOSABLE CAMERA to this wedding. They even said they purchased it specifically for this event. I mean who knows, maybe their digital camera broke...but my intuition is telling me that I'm setting my thoughts too high. I don't even think I remember how to get film developed. If I want hard copies of my pictures, I upload them to Walmart.com, like every other self-respecting American.

Out of the many things we (they) discussed, a popular topic was how good Jack and I were at singing. This was actually one of the most popular topics of the entire evening, and not just from our table. It was second only to the actual celebration of matrimony itself.

A random man who I do not know just walked up to me and told me to let him know when we're ready to take over the world.

WHERE AM I?!

Also, at least 6 different people asked if Jack and I were married. The first time someone asked me this I actually laughed in their face, but then realized this was incredibly rude and politely told them no. Clearly we were at a Southern wedding because people were not as "worldly" in their perceptions of people. It took a lot of self-control not to explain why Jack and I were not in a serious, committed, loving relationship in which we dance in meadows and sing The Prayer to each other every evening at sunset.

Brother was a nice enough guy. We'll call him (B)Ryan, because I know one of those was his name, but I can't remember which one. He wasn't AS chatty as sister, but he was definitely my biggest fan. After praising me to the point of me beginning to feel super awkward, he told me that my voice reminded him of Ariel's (let's be real, that actually made me so happy inside). Then he asked if Jack and I wanted him to take a picture of us and that he'd be more than happy to take one (on his disposable camera). Yeah, real smooth (B)Ryan. Trying to play it off like you're doing me a favor. We both know you have no way of sending that picture to me online...this picture is for you and you alone. But hey, that's flattering. So obviously I cheesed it up.

At the end of the evening (9 pm...) Jack and I were trying to make a discreet exit...meaning I was trying to make a discreet exit, so as to avoid the awkward "goodbye even though I blatantly don't know you at all), but such was not in my fate. Brother and sister told us it was really great to meet us, and (B)Ryan told me that if I'm ever on the west coast to look him up. No, really, look him up (this is impossible, seeing as I don't even know if his first name is Ryan or Brian, let alone know his last name). I figured he was being polite. But then he said, and I quote: "Have a great night! And hey, if you're not married by the time you're 30, give me a call, because I'm totally going to marry you."

I'm sorry, WHAT?

So I laughed, assuming he was making some kind of weird joke seeing as we DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER AT ALL, to which he responded "No! I'm serious!"

..................................................................................

"Well, gotta go!" And then we PEACED OUT.

But I mean, if I turn 30 and I'm still not married (please please no), I think I'll take him up on it. He can teach me about 35 mm film.

Four days to glory

Back to the grind. Meaning sitting at a desk accomplishing little to nothing for ten hours a day.

I'm proud that today I actually finished a project. However, this project should have realistically taken me 20 minutes. It took me 5 hours, because I spent my time doing who EVEN KNOWS WHAT. I know it involved the internet. But it's not like I have Facebook, how did I possibly waste 4 hours and 40 minutes without social networking? I cannot understand.

I've also been assigned a new project. I am literally astounded every day as I work for the Federal Government by how LITTLE work is accomplished. For instance. My new project is to organize a binder. There is a list of projects that correspond with one page descriptions in the back of the binder, and literally my only task is to figure out which projects are listed but have no description sheet. Do I have to create a description sheet for the missing projects? Nope. I have to email some other guy and it's his job to create the sheets. This task in itself is not meaningless...it's dumb job, but someone has to do it, and it makes sense for an intern to do it, not a Commander (which is the person who gave it to me). Here's what doesn't make sense: He told me that there was no rush, as it was a low key assignment he wouldn't need for a few weeks.

A FEW WEEKS TO DECIDE WHICH PAGES WERE MISSING.

Is this real life? Do people really get paid $17 an hour to sit at their desk listening to The Little Mermaid their iPod touch while they eat fun sized kitkat bars and read Perez Hilton?

Yes. They do. I don't know what I'm going to do when school starts. Because my once excellent (albeit last-minute due to extreme laziness) work ethic is basically going to be gone forever by the end of this summer.

So as I sit here, staring at my computer, waiting for the notification on the bottom right side of my screen that says I have an email from my dad that only says "Off", signaling that the carpool is leaving and it's time for me to leave this mystical place where time stands still and youtube reigns...I'll write about my weekend.

Aka, Shannon thinks everyone needs to get married IMMEDIATELY. Turns out wedding was not quite as insane as rehearsal dinner, but I feel like this was because the only person I knew was Jack, who was sick, and who decided we would leave at 9. Aka, when my friends get married, and by friends I mean a friend who I have several mutual friends with, not a music major friend who invited no other music related people whatsoever, it's gonna be a great time.

Actually in four days, ANYTHING is gonna be a great time.

But the one thing I can comment on at this wedding (well besides the actual wedding, which was lovely and made me depressed about being 100% single, just like it's supposed to) was my table at the reception. Let's take a second to discuss the weirdest assortment of people ever. Jack, but a sick not wanting to be there so not talking much Jack. A random girl who was a Dukette with Kristy their freshman year of college, but she was there ALONE so was not so chatty, Jason's two roommates (I guy and a girl who I couldn't decide whether or not they were together) who I think might've been more sad about him moving out than happy about him getting married. We finish out this cocktail with Jason's random friend from high school who brought his sister who had just graduated HS and never been to VA. And who literally did not stop talking the entire night.

Don't get me wrong, she was very nice and if she wasn't talking, my guess is that no one would have been, because my mind was still wrecked from the weird table I was sitting at. So it was probably a good thing.

Well I just got the Off email I had so eagerly been anticipating.

To be continued.........

Why hello Harrisonburg

So I'm back in the good old H-town for two days. Should be swell. Actually it probably will be, because Kristy Arehart is GETTING MARRIED!!!! We had el rehearsal dinner tonight and it was super fun/HILARIOUS. I've never been in a wedding...turns out it's fun.

Aka...dear friends...GET ENGAGED RIGHT NOW. I want to be in wedding asap. I actually told Sarah (Smith) via text that I think she and Road need to make it happen soon, and this is how the conversation went:

Shan: So I'm at the rehearsal for the wedding I'm singing in tomorrow...and all I can say..is I WANT TO GET MARRIED
Sar: If I find a closet full of dresses in your apartment in ten years, we're having an intervention
Shan: Get married soon. So I can be in your wedding. Come on. You know you want to.
Sar: No! I will not rush my tenuous life plans to meet your sick sick needs!
Shan: I WOULD DO IT FOR YOU
Sar: Don't say things you can't take back
Shan: I'll chip in for your wedding dress?
Sar: No dice. Not getting married today. Or this year.
Shan: But your wedding is going to be so funnnn
Sar: Duh. With ample time to plan, SHANNON
Shan: Oh you KNOW I could make a ballin wedding happen in a hot sec
Sar: You know what? You're right. Why delay our, including your, happiness any longer. I'm going to propose to Road at the top of London Tower
Shan: DONE AND DONE
Sar: False!!!!
Shan: Don't worry, I won't tell him. I'll keep it a surprise
Sar: You're a whore. Expect no such thing
Shan: I'll help you go ring shopping!

...change of subject. SO sad.

If you're reading this, and you love me, get engaged, and put me in your wedding. Because it's really fun.

So I saw The Proposal tonight. As all of you avid blog readers know, in my first post ever, I spoke of Ryan Reynolds and his beautiful soul and spirit (meaning body). Well friends, TONIGHT DID NOT DISAPPOINT. He was as magnificent as ever. And almost naked. Yes. Tina.

As we were leaving the theater, I noticed the NINE FOOT HARRY POTTER 6 CUT OUT...and obviously my first inclination was to steal it. Because even though I have no idea what I would do with a nine foot Harry Potter poster (besides revel in its glory), I of all people should be the one to steal it. And I haven't felt a high like that since we snuck into the perf center (I mean what? We never did that...).

UNFORTUNATELY EVERYONE I WAS WITH WAS BEING LAME. THAT MEANS YOU MATTY CHIDS LYNN AND JACK. There were NO EMPLOYEES out, it was LATE, NO ONE WOULD HAVE SEEN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE PERFECT CRIME. But they said there were cameras and that I shouldn't do it. So I listened. And we went outside. And then I realized...screw that. I'm taking the fricken sign, even if I do it alone. Only, to my DISMAY, the doors were locked since it was late. So I couldn't get back in. Saddest of days. So now I'm SO sad Dan isn't here, because I know if he had been with me, this is how that conversation would have gone:

Shan: Omg. I want to steal that sign.
Dan: Obvi. Because that would be SO INSANELY EPIC (all caps).
Shan: No. I can't. That would be too crazy. Someone would see us.
Dan: Shannon. No one is gonna see us. And stop pretending like you're not going to steal that sign because we both know you are.
Shan: Ok. You're right. Let's do it.

AND THEN WE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE SIGN AND PATTED OURSELVES ON THE BACK FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT

I MISS DAN!!!!!!!!!

The next ten

3:48...which means it's almost time for the gym. Yes tina. I think I've exhausted my brain capacity making these charts. I'm almost done. So I'm finishing them Monday probably. I still can't wrap my brain around the fact that I spent TEN HOURS at this desk every day. That just can't be good for your health. I vaguely recall el GSci professor saying something about radiation coming from computers, so prolonged exposure to them...not okay.

I spent my lunch break online shopping, and am now going to "The Mills" (which is apparently what they're going to start calling it...THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. IT'S CALLED HOODBRIDGE. We can't have anything that sophisticated sounding) when I get home to go on a quest for a 21 bday dress. ONE WEEK ONE WEEK!

Anyway, here's the next ten reasons why I won't marry you

11. Your favorite season is winter

12. You won't watch Food Network

13. You own any clothing made of wheat

14. You hate/refuse to read Harry Potter (which is why I could never marry Road. Well that and he's dating my best friend. But mostly the no HP)

15. You mispronounce the words tissue and issue (sorry TJ)

16. You have dreadlocks

17. Your last name clashes with Shannon

18. Your last name is so dumb that it would ruin a potential child's entire life

19. You own anything that bears the confederate flag

20. You think Harrisonburg is a great place to live

Yeesh

It's Thursday. Which, to me, is Friday. Thank goodness.

I don't think my boss likes me very much. Well, not that he DISLIKES me, I just don't think he cares very much about me. He doesn't give me attention, except for maybe once a day when he walks by my desk. Normally this would bother me, but here's why it doesn't: This is a summer job. I have no intentions of getting promoted or relying on him for a serious reference, since this in no way relates to any of the fields I feel like pursuing. Not to say I won't work hard and get the job done--it's me. I'm going to do that. But as long as my boss has nothing NEGATIVE to say about, I don't care if he raves. I know...who am I?

But here's the thing: I have a little more freedom if I'm not constantly on his radar. Normally I'm not about being the blah girl, but I like not really being paid attention to in this case. He's not going to give me harder projects. He's going to continue to give me editting projects in which I spend my time making tables in excel. That I COULD do quickly...but I don't have to. Because for the first time in a year...it's LOW PRESSURE. WHAT A CONCEPT.

I still hate disappointing him though...which I might've done today. We were supposed to go to this CG hearing on Capitol Hill today, but it got moved to tomorrow. And I don't work Fridays. Plus, I have to take my car to stupid All-State so that girl's insurance company can FINALLY pay for the accident damage. And then I have to go back to the burg to sing for Kristy's wedding! So I'm obviously not going to the hearing. And when I told him he was like "Well, it's your loss. You'll miss going to Capitol Hill, and Capital City Brewery..."

...but I won't have to wake up at FIVE just to sit in on a meeting and then eat at a restaurant where I'LL have to pay for okay food and no alcohol because I still have one more week (ONE MORE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). So IS it my loss? But I still felt guilty. I'm such a people pleaser.

I'm alarmed at how this blog has transfigured from being meaningless yet hilarious stories to insight on my life...and I don't think I like it. It's just that I have zero contact with the outside world, so the stories that I would normally bore a real person with have no place to go. So I guess they go in ths blog for now.

I miss the Music Library.

More later I'm sure.

New layout

As much as I loved the old background picture, it made it impossible to read my blog. So I changed it. Enjoyyyy!

It's true...the government owns me

So this is my first of probably MANY blogs this summer. Because here's the thing about working for the Coast Guard...you can't get on Gmail OR Facebook at ALL from work. Which totally blows. Luckily, I have my work email address, so I can still get emails. So ask for it and I'll send you one. :)

For now, I'm going to begin the 300 Reasons Why I Won't Marry You, as promised. But I'm going to do it in segments, to a)Take up more of my bored time, and b)300 in one post is boring to read. So you're welcome.

1. You enjoy the song "Step Into Christmas" by Elton John
2. You insist on making me eat Mexican food
3. Your favorite color is brown (and any of its varying shades)
4. You don't text
5. You don't shower
6. You're a better singer than me
7. You took me to a Dave Matthew's concert on a date
8. You have a dumb accent
9. You have a dumb mind
10. You wake me up for anything I deem unimportant at the time, yet feel no remorse