Friday, October 7, 2011

I'm still blatantly a child

I know I'm supposed to be blogging about why I hate winter, but I decided to save that post for one of the first cold days of the year when I inevitably hate everyone and everything. So instead I'm going to blog about what I've noticed this past week.

I am a child.

I don't mean that in a "I'm shambles and need to get my life together" kind of way. I mean I literally am a child. And here are the top 10 reasons why:

1. I drink juice boxes on the regular. I don't know what it is, but there's something about a juice box that just does the trick. They're so delicious. Juice in a glass is not the same and I have little to no interest in it.

2. My grocery purchases generally consist of goldfish and ice cream. Sure, I buy other stuff like chicken and onions and flour, but more often than not, I'm going to Safeway because I'm out of a)goldfish, b)ice cream, c)juice boxes, or d)all of the above (aka, last night).

I figure e)beer does not belong in this post.

3. I not only buy kids movies when they come out to own forever, but I see them in theatres. Obviously my tastes have shifted and I can no longer be enticed by movies with titles like "Beverly Hills Chihuahua", but I'd say I see at least three kids movies a year in theatres. I spent $13 to see The Lion King in 3D on Sunday. I could have gone to 50/50, or MoneyBall, or other similiarly hyped adult movies that I do in fact want to see. I chose a movie THAT I ALREADY OWN.

4. Generally, I do not enjoy wearing pants.

5. I play with my food. This in general occurs when I am a)full, b)bored, or c)I don't like what I'm eating. Or any combination of the three. If my food is not removed, then watch out, because some sort of strange concoction will be coming your way. One time (at a real restaurant), I poured ice water and coffee creamer into an empty bowl of ice cream and then colored sugar with a blue sharpee I found in my purse to make it "blue soup." Another time in college I added italian dressing, hot sauce, coke, and 28 packages of salt to a container of pasta I had only half consumed. And Tjaden ate it.

6. I cannot stop moving around. I fidget constantly, even when I'm going to bed. I cannot sit, or stand, or lay down in the same position for more than 5 minutes (and that might be a stretch) without having to adjust. This makes me a TERRIBLE cuddler. I also do not sit appropriately for my age and I maybe never will. Even in restaurants I will talk off one or both of my shoes and sit cross legged in a booth, or sit on one of my legs, etc. I have absolutely no sense of public propriety.

7. I blatantly do not look 23. I don't even always look 18. I went on a retreat in March where the majority of the room guessed my age was 16. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but this does in fact make it easier to carry out my childlike antics.

8. Instead of art, I hang Harry Potter posters on my walls.

9. I still cry at the end of The Little Mermaid when Ariel says goodbye to King Triton with the infamous "I love you Daddy." I may or may not have just teared up typing it out. I also will go on Disney music "binges" where I jam out to the Disney classics rather than Bruno Mars and Lady Gaga. Sorry bout it. At least I don't choreograph my own dances to said classics anymore.

I just make music videos.

10. I am the pickiest eater ever. Most of the time I find this really annoying rather than endearing, because it would make my life a lot easier if I just liked everything. When people talk about how good vegetables are, or how they're going to make such and such that's just full of veggies and it so good for you but also SO YUMMY...I DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. I still eat them because I know that I have to...but man do I not enjoy it. I also hate a wide range of other foods, including but not limited to: seafood (all of it, yes, even shrimp, crab, and lobster), most mexican food, indian food, anything that contains peppers (other than salsa) or tastes like it could have some sort of pepper flavoring, and so, so much more. I'm not proud of this. In fact, as someone who loves to cook, it drives me crazy that I'm limited in what I can make by what I will eat. There is at least hope, because slowly but surely I have started to like things I once would not even let pass over my lips, including mushrooms, tortillas, and even spinach.

Now you may be saying to yourself, "Hey, I do some of that stuff too, that doesn't make you a child." That is simply because you yourself refuse to admit that you too are in fact a child. Embrace it. Because I'd rather drink juice boxes than decide to be old.