Tis the Season to be full of hatred

Yeah I'm blogging twice in one day. Consider yourselves lucky.

I look forward to Christmas music every year. In general, I'm happy with everything 97.1 plays (although after a while it does get pretty repetitive). I'm filled with joy everytime I hear Sleigh Ride (the best one is the all orchestral one with the trombone "neigh" at the end), Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Andy Williams, The Carpenters, Last Christmas, or anything Mariah Christmas CD.

But there are serious downsides to 97.1 Christmas. First and foremost, since I usually drive home around 10 pm from rehearsal, it means I have to listen to Delilah's voice and stupid stories EVERY DAY. I hate her so much. I don't care about your kids, I don't care about your family's restaurant, please shut up and get your voice OUT OF MY CAR.

The second is the AWFUL Christmas music that you would never hear in any other circumstance, which is the point I've been trying to get to. I was inspired to write this post about two weeks ago when I blogged about why I hate Dave Matthews Band. And since it's now appropriate to the season, I bring you:

TOP 5 CHRISTMAS SONGS THAT SHOULD BURN IN HELL

5. Ring Christmas Bells
This is new to the list. Somehow I had never heard it before until this year. This is not to be confused with Carol of the Bells, a very famous Christmas Song with the same exact tune. To be quite honest I can only stand Carol of the Bells to a point anyway, because I think I've sung the song approximately 1000 times thanks to "Troubadour Caroling" when I was in high school. But this song is heinous. The singers sound TERRIBLE. They changed the words as well as some of the harmony and it's all just very stupid. Hands down the worst part is the massive augmented chord that starts to build at 1:50 and culminates at 2:02 in almost 10 full seconds of horror. Congrats Ray Conniff, your life sucks.

4. Same Old Lang Syne
This song isn't necessary musically offensive to me...it's just the most boring song EVER. The same melodic line repeats three times a verse...and there are like 20 verses. WHAT. Once you've heard the first 30 seconds you're pretty much good to go. "The beer was empty and our tongues were tired" Really? THEN STOP SINGING.

3. Please Come Home for Christmas
It takes all my willpower not to drive off the road when I hear that four note introduction of DOOM (admittedly, that video is kind of awesome).

2. Christmas Shoes
I know I am ruffling feathers with this one. So many people I know are obsessed with this song to the point of it being their favorite one to hear. And I have gotten grief about it before. "How can you hate Christmas Shoes, it's so sweet and sad! I cry everytime I listen to it!" Sorry not sorry, this is one of the worst songs ever. I wonder if this guy thought "Hmm...what's a good way to sell Christmas music...make people feel sentimental and cry a lot...I've got it...I'll write a song about a poor under-privileged boy whose mom is dying at Christmas!" You can't deny it was marketing genius. Slap on a sappy backtrack complete with the "always essential" children's choir and you've got yourself a hit. And apparently it's WRONG if you don't like this song because it must mean you have NO SOUL. Well you know what? THEN SO BE IT! I hate this song and if it weren't for Elton John's grave mistake, this song would be NUMBER ONE on this list. SUCK ON THAT! (Also, the video I chose for this song does an excellent job of exemplifying everything I hate about this song...also its hilarious)

And number one, hands down, belongs to:
1. Step Into Christmas
I can't believe the all caps haven't crept in yet. This is actually my least favorite song...ever. Not just for Christmas. Ever. EVER EVER EVER I HATE IT SO MUCH (there we go). I LOVE Elton John...WHAT WAS HE THINKING. The first two seconds alone can make my skin crawl. I don't really know where this hatred began. It's probably because it's so catchy, which usually I enjoy but in this case it means it never leaves your head EVER. Christmas DJs happen to have a knack for knowing when I've been having a bad day because that's usually when I hear this song. I'm running late, there's traffic, blah blah blah, next thing you know: BAM IT'S STEP INTO CHRISTMAS. I literally think this must be the song they play in hell. On repeat. I wish I had more reasons to back up how I feel about this song but I recognize it's not rational. It's just hatred.

**Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree almost made this list but I know that deep down I actually like the song. It's not the song's fault I have heard it EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE GOTTEN IN THE CAR this holiday season.