Love You Sky Big

I knew I wanted to blog today, I just wasn't sure how I wanted to do it. I want to keep it short and simple (plus I have tequila waiting for me so I can't linger by blogging). I still don't really know what to say so this is me winging it.

It's a weird thing, grief. It fades but then it comes back in full force. I don't get sad as much as I used to, but the times I do definitely pack a punch. And it never comes when you expect it. I do think that sometimes I anticipate the sadness (aka me yesterday), but more often than not it happens randomly. You'd think I would be really down today, but I'm feeling much better than I expected. I attribute some of that to last night, which was everything I could have asked for. I'd say about 40 of us invaded Red Robin, cleaned out their tequila (literally), and screamed all the words to Don't Stop Believin' (thanks to Jacob Grob and the iHome he purchased for the occasion). I was surrounded by some of the people I love most in this world. It was exactly what I needed.

I can't believe it's been two years. December 19, 2008. So much has changed since their death. When I think about it, it's like EVERYTHING has changed. Call it moving on, or the sadness fading due to time...I call it living. Which is the biggest thing I took from all of that happening hands down. Before they died I took living for granted. I pretended to be a person of action and instead I spent my time waiting for life to happen to me. But after they died I couldn't keep living my life that way and I think that's why so much feels different to me. Because I'm different. I live differently. I don't waste opportunities and I really to at least try to live every day like it could be my last.

I mean, it's what Jim would have wanted, isn't it?

It still hurts to live in this world without them. I miss them every day. There's so much I wish I could share with them. But I'm not going to spend tonight being sad. I'm going to spend tonight remembering two of the best people I ever knew and celebrating the fact that I was lucky enough to consider them family. So tonight, wherever you are, raise a glass to Jim and Mrs. Smith and know that I'm doing the same.

And I say this with complete sincerity...if you're reading this, I love you sky big.

Woof

And it begins.

The feeling like I could burst into tears at any moment. I don't remember if I felt this way a year ago or not. Actually realistically a year ago on this day I was PANICKED and trying to figure out a solution to the massive snow storm that was barreling its way towards Woodbridge and threatening to end the concert I spent 6 months planning...

And we all know how that worked out. But I think I can assume I wasn't weepy. Twelve hours later though...weepy is an understatement.

It's hard to mentally prepare for this time. I think it will always be hard in some way or another. This year is different than last year in that the pain isn't still fresh, and life HAS gone on...which is just a reminder that life has gone on anyway. And that's hard. Now it's hard to imagine what it would be like with them here, because so much has changed BECAUSE they're not.

I'm excited for tonight but I'm also really nervous and I'm not sure why. I'm just so anxious. I think I need cookies. And maybe I should get out of bed. I've been curled up in fetal position with my computer for the past two hours, even though my room looks like a bomb exploded and I have errands to run and Christmas presents to make. And the ABC store to go to. Sighhhhhh.

Until then, it's a Sara Bareilles kind of day.

Tis the Season to be full of hatred

Yeah I'm blogging twice in one day. Consider yourselves lucky.

I look forward to Christmas music every year. In general, I'm happy with everything 97.1 plays (although after a while it does get pretty repetitive). I'm filled with joy everytime I hear Sleigh Ride (the best one is the all orchestral one with the trombone "neigh" at the end), Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Andy Williams, The Carpenters, Last Christmas, or anything Mariah Christmas CD.

But there are serious downsides to 97.1 Christmas. First and foremost, since I usually drive home around 10 pm from rehearsal, it means I have to listen to Delilah's voice and stupid stories EVERY DAY. I hate her so much. I don't care about your kids, I don't care about your family's restaurant, please shut up and get your voice OUT OF MY CAR.

The second is the AWFUL Christmas music that you would never hear in any other circumstance, which is the point I've been trying to get to. I was inspired to write this post about two weeks ago when I blogged about why I hate Dave Matthews Band. And since it's now appropriate to the season, I bring you:

TOP 5 CHRISTMAS SONGS THAT SHOULD BURN IN HELL

5. Ring Christmas Bells
This is new to the list. Somehow I had never heard it before until this year. This is not to be confused with Carol of the Bells, a very famous Christmas Song with the same exact tune. To be quite honest I can only stand Carol of the Bells to a point anyway, because I think I've sung the song approximately 1000 times thanks to "Troubadour Caroling" when I was in high school. But this song is heinous. The singers sound TERRIBLE. They changed the words as well as some of the harmony and it's all just very stupid. Hands down the worst part is the massive augmented chord that starts to build at 1:50 and culminates at 2:02 in almost 10 full seconds of horror. Congrats Ray Conniff, your life sucks.

4. Same Old Lang Syne
This song isn't necessary musically offensive to me...it's just the most boring song EVER. The same melodic line repeats three times a verse...and there are like 20 verses. WHAT. Once you've heard the first 30 seconds you're pretty much good to go. "The beer was empty and our tongues were tired" Really? THEN STOP SINGING.

3. Please Come Home for Christmas
It takes all my willpower not to drive off the road when I hear that four note introduction of DOOM (admittedly, that video is kind of awesome).

2. Christmas Shoes
I know I am ruffling feathers with this one. So many people I know are obsessed with this song to the point of it being their favorite one to hear. And I have gotten grief about it before. "How can you hate Christmas Shoes, it's so sweet and sad! I cry everytime I listen to it!" Sorry not sorry, this is one of the worst songs ever. I wonder if this guy thought "Hmm...what's a good way to sell Christmas music...make people feel sentimental and cry a lot...I've got it...I'll write a song about a poor under-privileged boy whose mom is dying at Christmas!" You can't deny it was marketing genius. Slap on a sappy backtrack complete with the "always essential" children's choir and you've got yourself a hit. And apparently it's WRONG if you don't like this song because it must mean you have NO SOUL. Well you know what? THEN SO BE IT! I hate this song and if it weren't for Elton John's grave mistake, this song would be NUMBER ONE on this list. SUCK ON THAT! (Also, the video I chose for this song does an excellent job of exemplifying everything I hate about this song...also its hilarious)

And number one, hands down, belongs to:
1. Step Into Christmas
I can't believe the all caps haven't crept in yet. This is actually my least favorite song...ever. Not just for Christmas. Ever. EVER EVER EVER I HATE IT SO MUCH (there we go). I LOVE Elton John...WHAT WAS HE THINKING. The first two seconds alone can make my skin crawl. I don't really know where this hatred began. It's probably because it's so catchy, which usually I enjoy but in this case it means it never leaves your head EVER. Christmas DJs happen to have a knack for knowing when I've been having a bad day because that's usually when I hear this song. I'm running late, there's traffic, blah blah blah, next thing you know: BAM IT'S STEP INTO CHRISTMAS. I literally think this must be the song they play in hell. On repeat. I wish I had more reasons to back up how I feel about this song but I recognize it's not rational. It's just hatred.

**Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree almost made this list but I know that deep down I actually like the song. It's not the song's fault I have heard it EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE GOTTEN IN THE CAR this holiday season.

LOVE MY LIFE

No but seriously it's awesome.

I GOT A JOB I GOT A JOB I GOT A JOBBBBBBBBBBBB (A REAL ONE)

I've actually known about this opportunity since October but I haven't mentioned it in this blog because I didn't want to jinx myself. I found out on Thursday! I'm the Operations Manager for the Fairfax Symphony Orchestra, and if you want to know what that means, read this, because it's too much to explain.

We haven't figured out a start date yet but I think we're going to either today or sometime this week. Literally ecstatic. I can stop applying for jobs. I don't have to think about a cover letter for YEARS. DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES A PERSON WHO HAS APPLIED FOR ALMOST 100 DIFFERENT JOBS?! But I digress.

Also I'm going to New York this weekend. I should be in much better spirits than the last time I was there, aka the day I moved out hahaha. Because this time I have a job, money, and I don't have to go to Brooklyn AT ALL! YESSSSSSSS! I'm going to visit Sar and literally these are our plans: See The Scottsboro Boys on Friday night (because it closes on Sunday, woof), and do as many Christmas things as possible on Saturday, including but not limited to the Rock (duh), Macy's, Christmas Festival in Union Square, and Little Italy. It's touristy and I don't care because it's CHRISTMAS! Also I want dim sum. Ugh I'm so excited.

Speaking of Christmas, if you're in need of some holiday gift ideas, please read my friend Rob's blog. His blog might actually be my favorite thing on the internet.

This month is so jam packed. I can't believe Christmas is a little over two weeks away. Starting tomorrow, I have something every single day, whether it be rehearsal or the vast array of social gatherings this month contains, until December 26. That's almost 20 straight days of plans. Geeeeez. At least I have tonight to go home right after work. I'm EXHAUSTED today. This, I know, is because I stayed up till 3 reading Meg Cabot. I don't know what is the matter with me, her books are not actually that good, she's a decent writer but not an amazing one...BUT I CANNOT GET ENOUGH. I love everything she publishes.

I blame John Nettles, because I skyped with him for two hours and those are two hours I could have spent reading. Just kidding it was so worth it our conversation was absolutely absurd and I loved it.

Anyway. When I go home tonight I'm going to eat pizza, read more, and pass out. Four more hours. BLAHHHHH

As a random side note, my boss, Eric Schaeffer (yeah he's definitely a big deal) refers to the Harris Teeter across the street from the theatre as "The Teet." So everyday he'll be like "I'll be back, I'm just gonna go run and pick something up from the teet." I find this simultaneously hilarious and disturbing.

I leave you with this...it is the way to my heart: