Love You Sky Big

I knew I wanted to blog today, I just wasn't sure how I wanted to do it. I want to keep it short and simple (plus I have tequila waiting for me so I can't linger by blogging). I still don't really know what to say so this is me winging it.

It's a weird thing, grief. It fades but then it comes back in full force. I don't get sad as much as I used to, but the times I do definitely pack a punch. And it never comes when you expect it. I do think that sometimes I anticipate the sadness (aka me yesterday), but more often than not it happens randomly. You'd think I would be really down today, but I'm feeling much better than I expected. I attribute some of that to last night, which was everything I could have asked for. I'd say about 40 of us invaded Red Robin, cleaned out their tequila (literally), and screamed all the words to Don't Stop Believin' (thanks to Jacob Grob and the iHome he purchased for the occasion). I was surrounded by some of the people I love most in this world. It was exactly what I needed.

I can't believe it's been two years. December 19, 2008. So much has changed since their death. When I think about it, it's like EVERYTHING has changed. Call it moving on, or the sadness fading due to time...I call it living. Which is the biggest thing I took from all of that happening hands down. Before they died I took living for granted. I pretended to be a person of action and instead I spent my time waiting for life to happen to me. But after they died I couldn't keep living my life that way and I think that's why so much feels different to me. Because I'm different. I live differently. I don't waste opportunities and I really to at least try to live every day like it could be my last.

I mean, it's what Jim would have wanted, isn't it?

It still hurts to live in this world without them. I miss them every day. There's so much I wish I could share with them. But I'm not going to spend tonight being sad. I'm going to spend tonight remembering two of the best people I ever knew and celebrating the fact that I was lucky enough to consider them family. So tonight, wherever you are, raise a glass to Jim and Mrs. Smith and know that I'm doing the same.

And I say this with complete sincerity...if you're reading this, I love you sky big.